


i'm begging you bring me back to life

by Kody (saturated)



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Fix-It of Sorts, Getting Together, M/M, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-12
Updated: 2020-12-12
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:53:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28016517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saturated/pseuds/Kody
Summary: Mike wasn’t sure what it was then, but now that he was getting older he did. He knew what those feelings were when his grandpa offered Bill a job on the farm over the summer because he was “already hanging around so much” and Mike’s stomach flipped when that meant Bill would be around all day. He knew what it meant when their hands touched and when Bill told him things before he told anyone else and when Bill laughed at something Mike said.---Bill shows up at Mike's door in the middle of the night.
Relationships: Bill Denbrough/Mike Hanlon
Comments: 1
Kudos: 25





	i'm begging you bring me back to life

**Author's Note:**

  * For [hanthelibrarian](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hanthelibrarian/gifts).



> This fic is a birthday gift for my friend Han! @honeybeehanlon on Twitter!
> 
> Y'all heard of Eddie showing up at Richie's after leaving his wife? Now you have Bill showing up at Mike's after leaving his wife.
> 
> Fic title is from the song "Stutter" by Mariana's Trench

Mike’s interest in Bill’s life wasn’t something new. It wasn’t like Bill came back to Derry and suddenly Mike had this realization that Bill was everything he ever wanted. No, Mike knew that these feelings went back to childhood, that summer they first fought Pennywise when he saw Bill as this determined and frustratingly stubborn boy that light shone out of.

Mike wasn’t sure what it was then, but now that he was getting older he did. He knew what those feelings were when his grandpa offered Bill a job on the farm over the summer because he was “already hanging around so much” and Mike’s stomach flipped when that meant Bill would be around all day. He knew what it meant when their hands touched and when Bill told him things before he told anyone else and when Bill laughed at something Mike said.

He figured out sometime in high school, between slurs getting hurled at them, exactly what he felt for Bill, and he decided to keep that to himself.

And so he did. Mike kept those feelings to himself for the next 27 years, and when Bill came back and was exactly like Mike remembered, it was more than difficult to remind himself that Bill was married.

Mike knew what that meant, knew that he would never have a chance.

It was fine. He was fine with being Bill’s friend again but Mike couldn’t deny that something felt different. Everyone else felt the same, the easy conversation with Bev and Stan, the gentle banter with Richie and Eddie, the comfortable silences with Ben. Everything was the same, except with Bill.

It was almost like Mike was trying to get Bill on his side, trying to impress him more than usual. Bill didn’t seem to notice, but that only made Mike want to try harder.

But something inside him stopped him, knowing Bill would never reciprocate. Friendship would have to be enough.

And they defeated Pennywise again, alive and safe for good. Sure, Eddie got stabbed through his arm, but after a stint in the hospital and the messiest divorce any nurse had ever seen, he and Richie left together to go wherever it was they were headed. Ben and Bev left for New York, happier than ever. And Stan hopped on a plane to go back to Georgia to his wife.

And Bill left for L.A. to finish his movie.

Leaving Mike alone in Derry again.

They talked, and kept in touch. Bill made sure to call Mike at least once a week. But while Mike was figuring out how to leave the only place he had ever known, Bill’s attempts to keep Mike company across the country seemed futile.

“Are you leaving any time soon?” Bill asked one night a couple months after their fight with Pennywise.

“I’m trying,” Mike said, “but it’s hard to leave behind all of this.”

“I figured you would be gone as soon as you could leave,” Bill said. “Not much left in Derry for you.”

“No,” Mike agreed, “I suppose you’re right, but...it’s like there’s something here I’m still holding on to.”

“Yeah,” Bill said, and Mike could hear him smiling. “I get you.”

Mike couldn’t place it, but there was something off in Bill’s voice that night, something different than usual.

Mike had been keeping up with the news of his friends, the headlines reading “Richie Tozier Comes Out”, the often passed over articles titled “ _ The Attic Room _ movie wrap up filming”, and even once finding one critiquing Bev’s new collection.

But the one thing Mike kept up with was Bill himself, unable to help himself when he noticed these little things. Something was wrong and it would keep Mike up all night wondering.

At some point he must have passed out because he was woken up by a knocking at his door early in the morning before the sun was even up. He slowly got out of bed, unsure of whether or not he really wanted to deal with whatever this was, but it must have been an emergency.

On the other side of the door was Bill, looking messy and distraught, bags under his eyes and a suitcase in his hand.

“Bill?” Mike said.

Bill took a second before answering. “I’m s-s-sorry. This was a b-bad idea.”

Bill turned to leave but Mike grabbed his shoulder and held him in place. “What’s wrong?”

The silence between them was impalpable, like Bill had to figure out what to say so he wouldn’t make Mike upset.

“I left my wife,” Bill said. “M-m-maybe I should have done it better b-but...I just left. And came here.”

Mike had barely a second to process this, that Bill left Audra and the first place he decided to go was to his house in Derry, the complete other side of the country. Bill didn’t decide to crash at Richie and Eddie’s, who lived in the same city, or even at a hotel if he felt it was that bad to stay in his house. But no, he took the time to pack a bag, go to the airport, and fly to Maine, just to see Mike.

“Across the country?” was the only thing Mike could think to ask.

Bill gaped at him like he had only just realized how absurd this was. “Right. You’re right,” he said. “I’ll go.”

“No,” Mike said a little too quickly. Bill stared at him. “I mean, you’re already here. You can come in.”

It wasn’t like Mike had a lot of extra space for Bill, but he was here. The least he could do is give Bill the comfort he needed. And at the same time try to figure out what this meant for them, and why Bill would go out of his way to come here.

Mike couldn’t think what he wanted to think. It would lead to the first type of heartbreak if he let himself think that.

“Okay,” Bill said quietly, and followed Mike inside.

Mike gestured for Bill to sit at the kitchen table which Bill did and Mike went to make him some tea.

“I don’t have much room,” Mike said, “but you can sleep on the couch if you want.”

“I c-c-couldn’t,” Bill stuttered out, almost under his breath.

Mike looked over his shoulder to see Bill’s red face. “I insist.”

It was almost a treat to see Bill so flustered, knowing that he was supposed to be the fearless leader but instead he was here in the middle of the night, fresh off separating from his wife and needing Mike to guide him through this. It was almost a treat, but it was too sad to think that.

Mike couldn’t help but think about it, Bill being here, being flustered, relying on Mike for whatever he needed. Surely it meant something, just like all those late night phone calls and letters back and forth, but Bill just left Audra. He shouldn’t be thinking about something like that.

He finished making the tea and set it in front of Bill who graciously accepted it, and took a seat at the table.

“I don’t usually do this,” Bill said. He put his head in his hands. “I feel so fucking stupid right now.”

“You shouldn’t,” Mike said, unsure of what else to say.

“Yes,” Bill said, removing his hands, “I should. Because this was a long time coming.”

Mike didn’t say anything but cocked his head a little. He didn’t want to overstep and assume anything, but he had an idea of what Bill meant, that there was a reason both of them knew for why Bill was here right now.

“She was sure I…” Bill trailed off. He locked eyes with Mike, and Mike could read the calculations behind them, Bill deciding what to say next. “That I was cheating on her.”

“Oh,” was all that Mike could say. “With who?”

Bill pressed his lips together and looked away. He didn’t say anything.

And every assumption that Mike had clicked together. He shouldn’t have said, and he knew better then, that he should have waited for Bill, but he said it anyway.

“It was me,” he said quietly, “wasn’t it?”

Bill stood quickly, knocking his knee on the table and falling back into his seat with a sharp intake of breath. Mike automatically sat forward, reaching out to help but Bill pushed his hand away.

“I’m f-f-fine,” Bill said tersely.

Mike recoiled, and Bill softened.

“I’m sorry,” Bill said. “Shit.”

“No,” Mike said quickly. “I was out of line. I should be the one saying sorry and --”

“No,” Bill said, stopping Mike. “You shouldn’t be sorry because I’m the one that sucks. I’m the one that let myself...fall in love with you when I was married and I knew there was no chance.” He paused, taking a moment to study Mike’s face. “There’s no chance.” He stated that last part as if it were final, like speaking it made it the truth, and Mike was desperate to prove him wrong.

At some point, over the phone and over letters, across the country and him being stuck in Derry, he had fallen in love with Bill too, but it should be him saying this, that he had no chance. Bill was the one that was married. Mike was the one without a chance.

But now he wasn’t. Bill wasn’t with his wife anymore, still married but that would go away soon. Hopefully.

There was always that ‘hopefully’ that stopped him because it meant there was a chance against him.

“I’m sorry,” Bill said one last time, like he was finally ending things, like this was it, like he ran away from his wife across the country just to say goodbye.

It was more than Mike could take to stop himself from kissing Bill right there. He leaned forward, bracing himself with a hand on the table and a hand on Bill’s knee and pressed their lips together in a quick motion, feeling the gentle warmth of Bill against him.

Bill didn’t move away, but he didn’t move in either, and Mike worried for a moment that he had made a mistake, that Bill’s love confession was never meant to be taken seriously.

Mike pulled back, sitting back in his seat.

“W-wh-what are you d-doing?” Bill asked.

“I’m in love with you too,” Mike said.

Bill stared, misty eyed and with a look that told Mike he did something wrong.

“I’m sorry,” Mike said because it felt like what he needed to say.

Bill let out a soft laugh. “We have to stop saying that,” he said. “It’s getting old, but I’m also sorry. You just threw me off.” He ran his fingers over his lips.

Mike watched as Bill traced the gentle curve of his lips, lined with stubble down his chin and neck. What Mike wouldn’t give to kiss down his neck.

“You’re in love with me?” Bill asked.

“Yeah,” Mike said, breathless. “I think so.”

Bill nodded. “For how long?”

“You first,” Mike smiled softly, playing back like they were in high school again.

Bill seemed to catch on, smiling back. “Not sure, exactly,” he said. “Maybe since we came back to Derry, but the more I think about it, the m-more I think it st-st-started that sum-m-mer I worked on the farm.”

“Yeah,” Mike said, “me too.”

But suddenly Bill’s face dropped, the sudden realization of something washing over him.

“I’m still married,” he said. “Technically.”

“If that’s…” Mike started, not ever thinking it would be an issue. He didn’t care. Bill was leaving Audra and that’s what mattered, but to Bill...maybe it was a big deal. “I don’t care, but if you…”

“No!” Bill was quick to correct. “I was just...if you cared...because I am leaving her. I d-d-didn’t know if you’d want to d-deal with...that.”

“No,” Mike said softly. “I don’t care.”

“You might,” Bill said. “Audra’s pretty famous and the tabloids will have a field day when they find out her husband is leaving her f-f-for another m-man.”

Mike didn’t know why, but the thrill of that felt like the most exciting thing that could have happened to him, like he hadn’t fought a clown in a sewer not a couple months ago.

“Let them,” Mike said.

It must have been something about the way Mike said it, but Bill smiled wide and launched forward, situating himself in Mike’s lap and kissing him ferociously, his hand cupping Mike’s jaw as Mike’s fingers looped themselves through Bill’s belt loops.

Bill kissed and kissed and kissed Mike, slowly, deeply, hungrily, like he had been starving for years, and Mike kissed him back, taking him in, feeling the warmth of his lips and his tongue, the scratch of his stubble on Mike’s face, feeling like this was what Mike had been missing all along, what he had been waiting for since he was a teenager.

Mike pulled away, an idea swimming in his head. “Hey, hold on,” he said.

“Oh,” Bill said, a flash of fear on his face.

“This is good,” Mike said quickly. “I...Have you ever wanted to see the country? In a way you’ve never seen it?”

“Is th-th-this a trick question?” Bill asked, raising an eyebrow.

“I have to leave,” Mike said. “Derry. It’s not where I’m supposed to be but I couldn’t leave and I think...I was just waiting for you to come back for me.”

Bill smiled softly. “Oh.”

“I want to see everything,” Mike said, “with you.”

“With me,” Bill repeated. “Of course I want to see it all with you.”

Bill kissed him again, soft and slow, and Mike had finally found what he had been looking for.


End file.
